When You’re Not A Friend Anymore

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I’m sitting on the toilet, having a, “lie down” as I call it. This is the perfect time to keep abreast of what’s going on in the world. What’s the word on the street. What’s the vibe. What’s the important stuff that’s going on.

So I’m on Facebook trying to work out what Twerking is. I then think about having a catch up with someone I haven’t conversed with or looked at or liked their status or photo for ages. That is to say, catch up as in, check in on them, look at their photos and stalk them remotely from the comfort of the disabled toilet at work.

They don’t appear in my feed but then again, not all of my friends do.

I search for his name. Nothing comes up. I am bemused. Why is this? How can this be? I search for his wife and find her but alas, she is no longer my friend either.

So they are both not my friends anymore. How dare they! Who do they think they are? I was the one who always made the effort in our relationship! Me. I was the one to check in and say hi, drop a message and wish them well.

They have the cheek to delete me from their friends list!? Who do they think they are!? (I know I’ve already said that but it’s for dramatic effect.)

I feel the rage building and stress along with tension is not something that is best for the toilet.

After everything we went through, I thought. Those good old times when I used to travel down and visit and overstay my welcome. They used to come up here and visit me and leave earlier than expected. The times we used to talk on the phone and share new music with each other. The photography, the artistry and the banter!

My mind plays a replay of certain moments in our history just in slow motion. When he came up to stay but I didn’t have a place of my own and was staying with family at the time so at his request I found him a cheap bed and breakfast to stay at. OK so he had to hear gay men screaming during their sexual exploits in the adjacent room, someone stole one of his shirts, and to be honest, he was never the same person after but I guess he got his own back when he took me for a gentle cycle and whilst thundering down a steep incline whilst trying to keep up, I hit a tree root, flew through the air and collided with a tree, dislocating my collar bone in the process.

Good times. Such good, good times. I now start to feel sorry for myself.

But really? Delete me from their friends list? Isn’t that a bit harsh? A bit heavy handed maybe? Completely cutting me off? Preventing me from ever reaching out and making contact, even small chitchat, ever again? Did I do something wrong? I must have been evil. Maybe that’s why they didn’t invite me to the wedding?

No, but they did make a point of passing through and seeing me afterwards and we chatted, had a coffee and a catch up. It was nice.

So this just doesn’t make sense. Scratching my head I feel the rage come on again. Who do they think they are? Both of them! They colluded. They must have both said, “I think we need to delete him from our friends list now. Now is the right time.” In agreement, perhaps even simultaneously from their Iphones or smart phones or computers they both pressed that unfriend button!

Unbelievable how someone like that could be so cold. To discard our friendship so callously.

Then I stop that trail of thought. I suddenly stop and contemplate. I wonder to myself, ‘Did I actually delete them?’ I start to think back.

It may have been in the great culling of January 2013. Or February 2013. Or March 2013. Or even as far back as December 2012 to cut my Christmas card budget.

After some consideration and a good few….seconds of contemplation, I came to the conclusion that I most definitely, probably, might have actually deleted them at some point in the past.

If I did, well, I guess there comes a point when you have to accept that some people come into your life for just a season but always for a reason. We can’t hold on to people. It’s just not right. We have to recognise that people move on. I have moved on and I realise that there are people that are getting on with their lives as I am with mine. Our paths may never cross again. I had to let them fly. And fly they will, into their own wilderness.

I hope that is the case because if I find out they deleted me I’ll be really pissed off!

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