Bargain Hunting – Fail.

The good lady and myself are keeping our eyes on the housing market. We’re at a point where we’ve almost saved enough to have a deposit. I say almost, there’s still some to way to go, but we have a big chunk of it.


The thing is, if we do find somewhere, we’re going to need to get furniture. Because Chateau Grump is rented, all of the furniture is the Landlords.


Mrs Grump raised this with me today as we were scouring the internet looking for houses at the right price, in the right condition, in the right location away from Chavs.


“Oh don’t worry about furniture,” I said with confidence. We can always look at second hand furniture, just to get us up and running. She nodded as if to believe me so I think I must have sounded convincing.


You see this statement is complete speculation. I’m not really very up to speed with the second hand furniture market.


I thought I would take a look. Browse and get a feel for what is out there. Just in case I get tested on it later. I’ve been caught out before!


I had heard of a website called Freecycle, a website where people give away stuff they don’t want. I know of others who have used this website and have managed to shift unwanted items with relative ease. You never know what might be on there.


I looked through the web page and noticed what people were requesting. Things of use, things that you can understand, would be quite costly in these current financially strained times. You know the things I’m talking about:


A double bed.

A washing machine.

A shed.

An oven.

A fridge freezer.

A machete.


Things that Mrs Grump and I will also need when we settle in our own Grumpy Towers, whenever and wherever that may be.


But then I read what was on offer. These are extracts from the ads.


15 Cardboard inserts for a filling cabinet to hold documents / paperwork. In excellent condition.


I know what you’re thinking. You’re starting to wonder if your filing cabinet at home is indeed in need of some cardboard inserts! I know I was. I was tempted, genuinely. The fact that they are in excellent condition is definitely a selling point. They do endure some arduous sliding back and forth so they’ve clearly had a careful owner. But no, not for me because, well, Chateau Grump doesn’t have a filing cabinet. Shame.


Excellent single storey outdoor G.Pig hutch – from Pets at home was about 50 pounds last autumn, collection only from quint on.

I was a bit confused here. What exactly is on offer? With the mention of G.Pig’s hutch, I thought it was some sort of rappers equivalent of a man cave. “Yo, I’m G Pig, welcome to MTV Cribs. I’m just hanging out here in my hutch y’all!” Then I read it was from Pets at home and realised that it’s a hutch for a guinea pig. They probably abbreviated it because they couldn’t be arsed to look up the spelling of Guinea.

“Collection only from quint on”. Now I don’t know what the hell to expect if you go and fetch this. You might even end up with a broad smile on your face. Why? Well as I’m sure you’re aware, “quint. (jamaican slang) means to squeeze the inner vaginal muscles ie kegel exercise but specifically during sex. Oh yeah girl! that’s it! quint it for me baby.” Well that’s what the urban dictionary says anyway. I have never shouted, “Oh yeah girl that’s it, quint it for me baby.” Maybe that’s where I’m going wrong?

It’s supposed to be Quinton, a suburb of Britain’s second city, Birmingham. So, from this we can establish that not only are they unable to look after their G. pig through the winter (It’s probably dead) they can’t spell either.

I have a toilet whiuch has been removed from my bathroom recently, will need a clean up but not in bad condition

Need a shit? Bring some rubber gloves, bleach and a brush because it’s still got the brown battle scars of its last adventure! Another great speller.

Lumps of concrete

Because everyone’s life is a little empty until they’ve experienced the feeling of joyous, uplifting, monumental, elation as your heart skips a beat, your pupils dilate and butterflies flutter within your stomach every time you lay your eyes on your very own lumps of concrete.

2X2sweater sofas Leather effect Reasonable condition . Not leather !!!

Need something to sit on? Here’s two, two sweater sofas. This is not only freecycling, it’s recycling. Got a load of sweaters? Perhaps they shrunk in the wash, perhaps they were stretched and pulled all out of shape because you should have used a wool wash. Whatever the reason, take those old sweaters and make a sofa out of them!

But then again it might be a sweater sofa because of the material. If you’re sitting on plastic, there’s a good chance your arse is going to sweat and sweat a lot. It is after all only leather effect! Not leather!!! Plastic. Not leather!!! Did I mention that this sweater is not leather!!!

OFFER: Pipe insulation (2 pieces)

My favourite so far. Someone has come across two pieces of pipe insulation and thought that this might just be what someone out there in the world is in need of. Someone who is desperate for a specific length of pipe to be insulated. It’s not exactly very expensive to buy is it? But whoever is offering this thought they could possibly be making someone’s day.

This really is the most random piece of shite I’ve seen advertised on here this evening. It’s the equivalent of finding something in the street like a half degraded ice-lolly stick with fluff stuck to it and then saying, “I’ve found this. Here, you can have it.”

They even went to the trouble to take a picture of it.


Be honest, you’re tempted aren’t you? Well get in there quick because you wouldn’t want to miss out on this offer.

I think we’ll keep saving.







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