Well That Could’ve Gone Bad!



I was at the printer. I started to engage with a colleague about Breaking Bad. They’ve been working their way through it and are soon to finish. I on the other hand have already experienced the incredibly clever plot, amazing acting and the captivating fix of Breaking Bad and subsequently, once having watched the final episode, the void left behind by such a fantastic drama.


I have recovered from the loss now though. Thank you for your sympathy.


Anyway, a female colleague of mine joined in the conversation. She’s watching something else nowhere near as good at the moment but wants to see what all the fuss is about with Breaking Bad. I then told her about what Mrs Grump and I have been watching lately.


“Me and the good lady are enjoying the Bourne films. Have you seen them?”


She scrunched up her face a little in disgust and shook her head.


“Oh you should watch them. The good lady hasn’t seen them before. She’s loving it at the minute.”


My colleague started to shift uncomfortably in her seat. Turning away to continue with her typing, I didn’t really take any notice and carried on.


“We watched the Bourne Identity whilst on holiday. Then the Bourne Supremacy and we’re going to watch Bourne Ultimatum later this week.”


She isn’t responding. She’s trying to blank me. Why?


“Of course then they brought out the Bourne Legacy but that’s got a different actor in it. You haven’t seen them?”


Again she scrunches her face up and said it’s not really her thing. She looked disgusted. I had no idea why. This left me perturbed. How could box-office hit spy movies create such a reaction? I needed to keep pushing to find out more.


“So aren’t you a Matt Damon fan then?” I asked. “Matt Damon?” she queried. “Yeah, Matt Damon. He plays Jason Bourne, the main character.”


“Oh, Bourne?” she exclaims with a smile. “I thought you said porn!”


Ah. That’ll explain it. My reputation was just on the brink of being shattered within the insurance industry. Before you know it, across the insurance world, rumours would have surfaced that I was liberal, very open and perhaps crossed the lines of professionalism by making it no secret that when on holiday, Mrs Grump and I watched the Porn Identity, later watched Porn Supremacy and were due to watch Porn Ultimatum later that week. Indeed since the lead actor changed for Porn Legacy, things would be different but it’s still gripping stuff! Oh yeah, and Mrs Grump is loving it at the minute!

Yes my Grumpyans, by pressing the issue, I had avoided a complete misunderstanding, which would have had me, and Mrs Grump labelled as Sex people! People with a very open, public, sex life, a collection of porn films; perhaps even swingers in our spare time. Maybe even dogging down the local park! Who knows where the rumours could have gone to? The thought of it creates a sudden gag reflex in me. I saw a documentary once with some of these Sex people and it put me right off gammon!

Whatever anyone else wants to get up to in their spare time is their business but I very nearly ended up with a reputation thanks to something being misheard.


But it says more about my colleague’s filthy mind than it does me!


I’m glad I didn’t start talking about the other popular spy series of movies. Not James Bond, the other one, Missionary Impossible.


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