Is this really my 99th post? Yes it is!
Once again this proves that I can prolifically spout a regular stream of Grumpy ranting shite! What a personal milestone.
Right…back to it:
I tend to post a lot about the adventures, horrific discoveries and social etiquette faux pas of the dark and dingy world of the Gents toilet at work. Believe me, I am merely scratching the surface of what I experience in there. I could write an entire blog based on that alone. I could call it something like Toilet Tales or The Bog Blog or maybe even set up my own website where people would post little statements about what they’re going through.
Trev1974: I hate it when you go to the loo and people have missed. #Cubicle1 #Sliphazard #Puddleofpiddle
Daveth84: @Trev1974 Sorry, I sneezed whilst in the middle of doing the business. Couldn’t help it.
GrumpyYBloke: I think someone’s sitting next to me skiving. They’d rather listen to me on the loo rather than do work? Uuurgh #Desperatetimes
Trev1974: @GrumpYBloke If you knew what I did for a living you’d do the same. What have you been eating? #IBS?
I could actually be onto something there. I’d call it Shitter! Mind you, I haven’t got time to create it so feel free to take that idea and run with it, by all means.
Anyway, I went to the toilet and left the box with the toilets in, into the wash room which, as previously mentioned in a previous post, has three sinks (the middle one’s always dry) and a Dyson Airblade Hand dryer which claims to be the fastest and most hygienic hand dryer in the world ever! Pretty bold statement and yes it does work quickly but the most hygienic? I’m not so sure.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Airblade, here’s a picture.
Now where does the water go? I’ll tell you. It just kind of loiters at the bottom and then eventually runs down the side and onto the floor leaving a small puddle of stagnant water underneath. I don’t think that’s very hygienic do you?
Anyway, as I headed towards the sink I find one of my colleagues finishing the drying of his hands (approximately 8.4 Seconds). I don’t know this colleague really. He works on another team on my floor. But he is clearly odd. Kind of like one of those office characters who will tell you strange things. Things such as, he feels no pain, is a black belt in several Martial Arts and is technically classed as a weapon of mass destruction. Yeah, one of those guys. Let’s call him, Reginald.
Reginald didn’t leave the facilities to head back to his desk, instead he stopped and stared at the puddle on the floor. Then he got on the floor and was looking at the puddle and then back up at the Dyson Airblade. Looking down and then up; down and then up; down and then up.
At this point I am looking at him and I must have had a look on my face which said, “What are you F*cking doing?” because he felt obliged to tell me.
“I think it’s got a leak.” I am not lying to you. I swear, that is what came out of that blokes mouth!
Because both you and I know that hand dryers, particularly the fastest, most hygienic ones are synonymous for being fitted by a plumber due to their water feed pipes that are required!
Now I’m not one for making judgements about people based on their inability to use common sense in relation to the hand dryer / plumbing situation, but this does not bode well. I mean, this guy gives advice to people about their insurance claims; in times of disaster and distress. What if someone phoned up and said that there was some damage caused in their toilet block and unfortunately, there is damage to the hand dryer. Perhaps during a fisticuff scenario much like the beginning of the best James Bond film, Casino Royale. The dryer damaged, the customer now having had the dead body removed, scenes of crime officers have taken swabs and prints etc and now the customer needs advice about what to do. Sadly, he has gotten through to Reginald. “Have you called a plumber?”
RegWMD: Careful guys in 2nd floor loo. Dyson Airblade leaking water. Plumber has been called. #plumbingworks #maintenance #wetfloor