I.T & Sex Talk In The Workplace


We had an email from our I.T bods today.

I wonder where they are. They’re a rare breed aren’t they? Nestled in some undisclosed secret location, probably an underground bunker, surrounded by servers and screens with Matrix code scrolling down. A little malnourished, living only on Doritos and Pot Noodles; certainly vitamin D deficient; with English, no doubt, their second language as their primary method of communication is binary.

“Fancy a beverage Doug?”
” Is that one sugar or two?”

We use so many systems at work and for each one we need a password and understandably, it can be hard to remember them all. Unfortunately, having reached saturation in memory, to ensure I remember all of those passwords, something has to give and sadly that happens to be all of the important, supposedly memorable dates throughout the year. Well that’s what I tell Mrs Grump anyway.

“It’s your birthday? Damn work and their new system! It’s yet another password and it just so happens to have replaced your birthday in my head. Don’t blame me, blame my employer!”

But, the email that came around today was to inform us that we need to change our “secret” word. I don’t even recall having a “secret” word. Maybe that is the point of it; that my own “secret” word is so secret I don’t know what it is.

I could have left it at that. But I didn’t.

I asked my boss if it’s the same thing as my “Safe” word, which happens to be, “Barracuda.” For those innocent ones amongst you, who do not know what I mean by “Safe” word, ask your parents!

My boss did see the funny side, but not before a few seconds of awkwardness as he tried to process what I had just said. Yes, I had just brought the subject of sadomasochism into the Insurance environment…. to none other than my boss.

Oh and before you start to wonder about the shenanigans that myself and the good lady get up to, I can assure you that we do not partake in anything like that! If I did, my safe word would probably be more like, “Ouch,” “Ow,” or, “What the F*** are you doing?! Get off me you evil creature of Satan!”

Anyway, we all had a bloody good laugh about it and I’ll be hearing from HR in the morning.



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