It’s amazing, the wisdom that lies within you. You may feel devoid of any most of the time and yet it can suddenly reveal itself on a rare occasion, like that of a solar eclipse but without the media coverage. But during times of sudden stress and fear, perhaps when we are in a place where we truly need some guidance, from nowhere, words of wisdom, like a 1 million candle strength torch, shining into a dark corner, obliterating the shadows den.
And as you lie there afterwards, staring at the sky, dumbfounded by the sudden oozing of a higher spiritual plane, you have to ask yourself, “Am I, The Grumpy Young Bloke, from Dudley, a holy man?”
I experienced such an event my Grumpyans. I shall share this event with you. Maybe you can relate or better still, perhaps it will inspire you. Not sure how. Maybe you’ll give up Kebabs or something.
This morning, the lovely Mrs Grump approached me and said something that left me feeling completely out of my comfort zone. A feeling of helplessness, of inescapable dread and horror.
You see, Mrs Grump stepped towards me, her beautiful green eyes looking at me ( I had only just gotten up so I resembled the Crypt Keeper ) and she said to me, “I’m wearing blusher but not foundation today. What do you think?”
I felt myself recoil inside in some natural internal reflex. What do I think? What do I think?
What a privelidged position to find myself. One where my opinion could count for something. Alas, the subject matter is something I do not have the neurological pathways to compute and therefore comment. May as well ask me about a boy band or the current generic depressing plot of one of the soaps. I am an alien in that territory. I don’t belong in that world.
My previous experience of the make up department of a large department store is being sprayed with a sample of new cologne and then enjoying the look of distress on the sales assistant as I pretend that it’s burning my skin. I know it’s cruel, but funny.
I’ve been in a similar situation before when Mrs Grump asked me to comment on the overall look of her make up. Again, I stood there wide eyed with a vacant look. She thought I was doing my Rain Man impression. My response was a typical blokey thing to say. As I pointed to a part of her face I said, “Ah, you’ve coloured that bit in?” My attempt at sounding interested was feeble.
Now I was in that same situation. I couldn’t make a fool of myself again. If I sound cool, casual and positive, despite the current Crypt Keeper look and morning breath, I’ll probably be considered as sexy. I could get some points here! The male to female relationship, as we all know guys, is a points based system! NEVER be in debit!
I saw her face and realised that I was looking at someone, who was looking at a person who had a blank, wide eyed and vacant look. Me again. This was going to end badly if I wasn’t careful.
“Say something,” I told myself.
It was then that the wisdom came out. From where, I don’t know. Perhaps I was channeling some omnipotent all knowing energy; a spiritual connection to something greater than ourselves. Because in that moment, in response to a question about make up and following an awkward silence for a bit too long, I said, “Trust your instinct.”
That was it. That was all I’d got. Mrs Grump who as usual, looked lovely (yes she reads this) looked at me as if I had spoken in some distant tongue. She’d only asked for my comments about her make up. I didn’t know what to say and so backed into a corner, asked to comment on this non-familiar territory, the best I could do, was to respond like Yoda.
Mrs Grump found it funny anyway.