I’m sorry. Was it the title or the boobs that made you click?
I’ve lied to you. Much like many here, on the inter web, who draw you in with a promise of something special. It’s something called Clickbait. A dangled carrot with an image to capture your imagination (sometimes containing cleavage) and a concise sentence underneath which promises you something to blow your mind and teases your curiosity enough to make you want to find out more. It draws you in. Mystery, boobs, fascinating facts, shock horror and surprises are promised by these click baiters.
Now, much like you reading this, I have fallen foul of these tedious links and much like you, at this point, I’m a little disappointed. Sometimes, I could kick myself for clicking on the image because it is usually a bit of an anticlimax and sh*t. Okay, I take it back. I’m not a little disappointed. I’m p*ssed off by the complete bullsh*t of it all. I mean, who writes some of these?
But let me try to turn that frown upside down people because I want to share with you some of the Clickbait madness that I have found on the web in recent weeks. Some did get the better of my curiosity. Others did not for obvious reasons. Hopefully I can help you to not fall prey to this inter web of lies and deceit.
1. Mums Go Crazy
Apparently, Mums go crazy over this £5 wrinkle remover. I had no idea that £5 was the going rate for snails. Maybe I can start an internet business selling slugs for £3. We have a few here in the grounds of Chateau Grump. I also had no idea that having them on your face reduces wrinkles and gives you the ability to look in different directions like a chameleon.
2. Make Money From Home.
Simple new ways to make money from home. What better image to entice people to click on the link and to therefore show them how to make money from home rather than in an office, than to show a picture of a smug fellow in a business suit in front of a corporate building looking really happy?
3. Casinos. The Truth.
I’m not sure if you can see him. But the man who has inadvertently been snapped in this couples selfie, see him? Yes, the one with the red circle around him. See him now? Can you see where the red arrow is pointing? Yes? Good. Anyway, he, whilst standing in this real casino and getting snapped in Deidre and Dave’s selfie, is apparently the truth about online casinos. I knew it. When I lay awake at night thinking what is the truth about online casinos, I knew it would be a man in a real casino, photobombing.
4. Looking Completely Different
Surprisingly, Frankie Muniz still looks the same. Why is he on a page that promises to show former child stars who look totally different?
Please see below a picture of a naked A-list celebrity.
Surprisingly, it’s an onion.
5. Hurry Up Before This Video Gets Banned.
A picture of a small boat, going into a big boat. Some kind of sicko boating intercourse. It should be banned. Twisted nautical pornography.
6. Cock Trouble
Hey! Before you say anything, NO, I didn’t click on it. Everything is fully operational. I’m no doctor but the reason why that dinkle is dysfunctional, is because it’s a finger. Whoever that person is in the photo, clearly has a finger for a dinkle. Getting an erection is the least of his worries. He needs to take a leak and not get beaten up when giving directions!
7. Nobody Saw This Coming.
I’ll save you the trouble and 15 minutes of your life. It was an old tank. You’re welcome.
Okay, yes, I clicked on this one. It was the cleavage that drew me in. Don’t judge me! I’m just a grumpy young bloke! But guess what happens……
Nothing. Nothing happened. I never saw her again. No body boarding mishap. Nothing. Just some details of waterparks. What kind of misleading wickedness is this? Evil inter web trickery!
9. Shocking Facts
You may be able to make out from the image above that you can see the first fact. It says that the budget for the film, Titanic, cost more that the cost to build the actual Titanic. This is a double whammy of deceit my friends. Why? Because firstly, that fact is not shocking and secondly, because it is not one of twelve. It’s the only f*%$&*g fact on there!
Here’s 37 facts about clickbait.
- 1) It’s always b0llocks!
10. The Secret Room
I don’t know about you, but I love the idea of a secret room. Not in a Christian Grey kind of way! So I did indeed click on this because I wanted to see the secret room which was astounding! So the website basically shows various photographs taken during someone’s urban exploration of an abandoned building. A building that was indeed unusual. It contained prison cells, an old swimming pool, a theatre and I continued to click through the many pages, loading page by page and image after image. Was I shown a secret room? No. No, I wasn’t. Damn you Click Baiter, tricking me once again!!!
So there you have it. I’m guessing that by using click baiting I have drawn readers to read about the evil of click baiting. In this instance the deceived has become the deceiver. But I do hope that I have opened your eyes to the deception of click baiting and that hopefully you won’t waste your time clicking on the same sh*t that I did.
I bet I get more visits to my page though thanks to that epic cleavage. I reckon at least 4.