Festival Season Fail.

It’s Festival Season incase you hadn’t realised.

I’ve booked myself and Mrs Grump some tickets. Oh yes, she’s going to be so pleased when she finds out. My point score will go through the roof!

Glastonbury!? Ha! I scoff at the many who go to Glasto and endure the massive queues for the loo, the stench from the loos that you carry with you for the rest of day (Also when I say loo, I mean hole in the ground) the tent that you set up being crushed by a drunkard, losing your friends and having to go lone wolf for three days and even more horrific than that….

Kanye West trying to sing Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. Or was it Bohemian Butchery?

.glastoshock

Mama just killed a man. For butchering a Queen classic and for not knowing the words.

You’ve seen the video no doubt. Firstly this was a pretty sad attempt to get the British crowd on side in light of the petition with 150,000 signatures wanting him off the bill. Don’t they realise he’s the greatest musician of all time?

Apart from that and the fact that he couldn’t recite the lyrics correctly, mimed the lyrics badly, sang way off tune and tried to cover up the fact that he could’t hit the higher notes of the fantastic Freddie Mercury and so left it to the crowd to do, apart from that, it was totally 100% perfection!

That’s sarcasm by the way. A pet shop burning down would have sounded more harmonic and melodious than that bag of sh*t.

Anyway, as I said, I’ve got Mrs Grump and myself some tickets to a festival this year and to be honest I can’t wait.

Imagine the best of Woodstock, combined with the best of Glastonbury, The Isle Of Wight festival and Goodwood Festival Of Speed.

Yes my Grumpy brothers and sisters……

Screen Shot 2015-07-04 at 16.08.16

Behold! The festival of quilts!

Yeah, Mrs Grump and I are going to be one of the revellers this year, just like this lot!

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Screen Shot 2015-07-04 at 16.10.07

Look how the one on the left is dressed. Yeah, festival party people! Probably high on some sort of exotic herb cut with rat poison and battery acid or something.

We’ve got to get there nice and early, so we can get a good spot. We can pitch our tent, get our deck chairs out with the little pockets for a can of cider or cheap lager. We’ll put our flag up high in the air and prepare ourselves for a long weekend of unbridled hedonistic liberating freedom from the constraints of the day to day BS that we have to put up with. Us and our fellow revellers will dance, laugh and party into the early hours and no doubt need a few days afterwards to recover.

This is going to be epic!

I just hope the toilets are clean.

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