I’m going to be completely honest and I’m not proud. I’ve been unfaithful. My loyalties have fractured, broken down and I have sought the gentle touch of another.
And despite my best efforts, I was caught.
I’ve been seeing Dan for several years now and to be honest I’ve not been feeling right about us. The conversation isn’t always there and what minimal conversation there is, it just doesn’t seem very sincere. But worst of all, he could be a little less rough. I’m always spitting blood afterwards.
Then one day, they tried to cancel my dental appointment because Dan wasn’t in. But I have to arrange my appointments for when I am already off work because it’s just not logistically possible to do it any other way.
The solution? Jason.
Now I agreed to see Jason, I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong and Dan wouldn’t miss me would he? I’d see him again in six months time.
I saw Jason and it was a relief not to be asked if I’d been keeping out of trouble. Dan always asks me that and I always respond with the fake laughter, trying to be ultra polite and friendly because he’s going to stick sharp things into my mouth and has the ability to remove my teeth and charge me a fortune for doing it. So yeah, I’ll laugh at his completely insincere overly repeated bulls*t. You don’t care about me Dan! I can see through the facade damn it! Every appointment with Dan is a replay of the one six months earlier.
So Jason checked me over, told me to keep on top of flossing, gave the teeth a good service and then imagine my amazement when I rinsed my mouth and saw no blood. Same result, no blood loss and no bullsh*t! This was great.
Was Jason the way forward?
Six months went by and I’ll be honest, I never thought about Dan or Jason. I have a life. But when it came to rearranging my appointment, I found myself asking the monotone, emotionless, depressed robotic receptionist, if I could have an appointment with Jason.
On the day of the appointment, I sat in the waiting room and hoped that Dan wouldn’t spot me. I sat with my back towards the large corridor, lit brightly from the sky lights above, from which, doors lead to rooms of butchery and from where it’s not unusual to hear the faint echoing whimper or a scream.
My name is called and I visit Jason again. It’s very relaxed. It’s a genuine discourse between two adult men. It consists of “Hello.” and “How are you?” Then it’s straight down to business. Open your gob-hole and let’s see what’s occurring. This miserable student nurse who is sick of seeing the inside of people’s disgusting mouths; and would rather ponder the current on-goings in Geordie Shore, is going to stick this suction device into your mouth. She will catch your tongue with it and will also sometimes catch on the side of your mouth, which will cause a sudden sensation of panic within you. Now put these glasses on because your spittle is going to spray everywhere like a faulty Bellagio fountain!
After the treatment, having relished the blood free rinse, I tried making conversation with him. I noticed he wasn’t wearing glasses anymore. Perhaps he had laser eye surgery. Mrs Grump had laser eye surgery too. We could have a very quick conversation!
“Have you had laser eye surgery?” I asked. He gives a pensive look as if I had just examined his retinas and noticed a defect whilst he was rummaging in my mouth. “Yeah, why?” “Oh because I seem to think you had glasses on, last time I saw you.” “I haven’t worn glasses for about six years.”
“Oh, right.” Well that was awkward.
My friendly conversation has backfired. I look like I’ve tried to be overly friendly, overly familiar. I crossed the line. It was now awkward because of my failure and I could see the nurse was enjoying the awkwardness. I was as comfortable as an Emo teenager standing in the middle of Disney Club!
Of course, I also inadvertently resembled someone who visited the dentist every six years.
Well this isn’t the end of the world. I’ll just go back to Dan in six months time and tell him that I’ve been keeping out of trouble.
Jason and I said our goodbyes and I started to walk down the corridor towards the reception.
It was as if in slow motion to some sort of dramatic piano music, a door opened to my left and out stepped Dan, calling someone’s name. He was in my periphery. I felt his glare as I walked past. And I know what he was thinking. I’d been caught seeing someone else behind his back.
No words were spoken. I didn’t even look at him. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was guilty and I felt very dirty.
Maybe in six years, this will all be forgotten eh?