More Irony

I was in the work kitchen, preparing the staple of British nutrition, English Breakfast tea, in a mug given to me by the workplace at Christmas. Everyone was given a personalised mug with their name and cartoon character depicting them. It was a nice touch. 

My cartoon character looks more like Mr Bean with glasses than me. And… AND he has a better hairline!! It may as well be bloody Oprah Winfrey on the mug!

Next to me stood a young lady who was filling her mug (brought from home. Maybe she wasn’t impressed with the likeness either) with cereal. When quizzed by colleagues she explained that she felt a bowl looked untidy on a desk as opposed to a mug. 

“You go girlfriend,” I didn’t say, but I did think that she could do whatever she wanted and I couldn’t really care less. I just needed my caffeine. 

In close proximity stood an odd fellow. One of her colleagues. He leans close to me so that I can feel his breath hit my face as he whispers, “I have to work with her every day. She’s as thick as shit.”

I didn’t respond to this coarse whisper. I didn’t give him the satisfaction of a nod and a chuckle to concur with his degrading judgement of her with an air of misogyny.  

To be honest, I wanted to verbally destroy this man, but I didn’t because I thought that he wouldn’t remember the reference. Because, to some odd people, being a complete moose knuckle is a daily occurrence. It is simply who they are. So an act that was completely stupid, mind boggling and bizarre to the likes of me and the incredibly intelligent reader of this blog, and which therefore by default stands out as an unusual event, to the odd fellow, gets lost in the daily randomness of their brain farts. 

You see this is the very man who I witnessed with my own eyes (who invented that stupid statement? When do you ever borrow someone’s eyes to witness something? This isn’t Minority Report!) on his hands and knees on the floor of the gent’s toilets, looking at the wet floor under the hand dryer, then looking up at the hand dryer and announcing that, “It must have a leak.”

I shit you not! 

Furthermore, he thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to wear a white canvas belt with work trousers. 

So when it comes to sneering comments about intelligence based on someone wanting to use a mug instead of a bowl, with his track record of thinking a Dyson Air Blade, an electrical appliance for drying your hands has a water feed pipe, I really don’t think there is any denying who isn’t the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. 


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