You probably weren’t stupid enough to see this at the cinema. But if you are even slightly intrigued, as I was, to see if this interesting premise could be worth watching, look no further!

 

Synopsis: An elderly Conan the Barbarian with veneers and a goatee escapes from the most inescapable prison ever made, thanks to the films main character, Ray Breslin, an ex lawyer, ex Rocky waxwork that was left too long in the sun, who’s main job is to escape from prisons as a form of grief counselling. However this time, he’s been set up by none other than….. his business partner. Luckily these geriatrics escape the prison which transpires to be the most stable and rock steady cargo ship in the entire world thanks to the mask wearing military prison guards who can’t shoot in a straight line and can’t even shoot these two men running with a combined age of 486.

Ray eventually gets his revenge on his business partner which transpires to be so insignificant at the end, you could easily miss it if you are quickly updating your Facebook status exclaiming how ridiculous this film is.

 

Summary: Two hours, I won’t get back. Two words for you, Vinnie Jones.

 

Five star rating: Five Star were an eighties british pop group. They were shit although their track, System Addict is a classic. No, I wouldn’t rate Escape Plan as good as this.

 

How Grumpy did this make you?: The equivalent of going to the doctors and being told there’s nothing wrong with you. But you know there’s definitely something wrong with you! That’s GPs for you. We’re just part of a system, on the conveyor belt, getting five minutes or so with the doctor and no more. Being ushered out with your trousers still around your ankles. I’m digressing aren’t I?